ADHD and Relationships

omg yes!!! i have undiagnosed (because of no health insurance!) adult adhd/anxiety/moderate depression. my whole life i classified myself as 'different & unique', now that i'm 40 i can see that i'm just a little nutty. thank god that i am an optimistic person. my 19 year old daughter says that i have ADOS- attention deficit oooh shiny.

daisy426

I think most of us with this condition have to be positive inherently. We are so bagged on and tormented by the rest of society we have to find some sort of coping mechanism to get through every day. Thankfully some like us choose the healthiest way to cope by just being positive about our limitations and trying always to see the good in every situation. Thanks for sharing, and I know how you feel about being uninsured I am as well but am in the process of being approved for Medi-Cal. Stay strong and take care!

i have my whole life, my relationship with my bf is screwed up cause of it and cause of my mother. i do hope i can get better and show everyone in my life that im not retarted and mentally ill and that i am a good person with a good heart that can do anything i put my mind to regardless of my ADHD.

April-

Wow I have also struggled similarly in my romantic relationship and its been a constant battle trying to get my boyfriend to understand why I am the way I am. Especially because he thinks the term "mental illness" is a cop-out for people to get away with anything. I also have major issues with my mother. We are NOT retarded nor do we have a low I.Q. We have a chemical imbalance that disables certain aspects of the personality like the ability to pay attention as effectively as our counterparts that don't have our neurobiological makeup. We are good people just trying to get by and make it through life like anyone else. We are constantly presented with challenges every step of the way and met with much greater difficulty in handling these challenges than people that don't have what we have. But I believe our illness builds character because it forces us to compensate in a number of other ways like showing great empathy and sensitivity to the ones around us. Some of the most compassionate people have our disorder.

exactly i couldnt agree more.

Sillygal949,

Your words are so strong and beautiful. My daughter has ADD. I am at a loss trying to help her life be easier. I see so much and can do so little. She trys so hard and is critisized. I get so angry (not at her, at those who don't even try to understand)

She is a beautiful person. She is intellegent, kind, compassionate. She is everything a mother could ever want in a kid. I just wish I could help her find a way to "clear the fog". Any ideas?

It hurts me so bad to hear her talk to her doll, when she thinks no one is listening.."I can't remember that...my smart pill is out...I need a new brain so I can be good at stuff."

Tonight she said to me "Mom, I wish I were a better daughter for you, I just can't think." All I could do was grab her and hold her... She is as close to perfect as a person can get, and still be human. We all have out hardships/disabilities....it is just harder to SEE some people's!

How can I help her FEEL what I know her to be? (Smart, beautiful, compassionate, loving...FAITHFUL)

Faithful mom-

Thank you so much. Your daughter sounds like an amazing little girl and also very lucky to have you as her mother. Your name is very befitting. I am soon to be a parent myself this February and I can't imagine the heartache of people not being accepting of my son for the way he is. She has an incredible mother in you and I truly believe parents have the strongest impact on kid's self esteem. So no matter how much people knock her down and try to make her feel bad about herself as long as she has you on her side I believe she will be fine. All she needs is your constant and unwavering encouragement and support. Take care.

Last night was a breaking point for me... I couldn't understand why I had to tell her to brush her teeth......again...

I did a horrible thing. I told her I thought she was lazy... but I loved her anyway.

Then I found this support group...and you spoke FOR my baby girl.

I cried my eyes out.

This morning I woke her early and snuggled her on the coutch. I explained how WRONG I was to say that. I KNOW she isn't lazy... She is the most "go to it" person I've ever known. We cried together....and I promised I would find a way to help her with the daily difficulties.

I have so much to learn! Thank you for being her voice, when my ears could not hear.

When I was diagnosed I was not lookin gfor me but help dor my daughter with the ADD. So when the docotr told me I had the ADHD I just kind of went , excuse me. LOL
I guess I just sat there and tried to absorb what he said next. that we should not work together for we are opposites in our ADD. my daughter underactive and me over active. LOL
I guess I am still tryng to process it still not only for me but my daughter as well. I was told I for so many years i was screwed up i believed them. seems as I get older i learn more why things where so hard for me all those years. I oftened felt envious of those whom learned easy , interacted easy, and found work non stressful. still do feel envious. LOL
I guess I will learn more about this so called ADD as I read hear. books are fine but they are not like others telling what they go through nor learn. I find it more helpful hearing from those living it than those studyin git.
dare

Faithful mom-

Don't feel bad I don't hold it against anyone that has treated me with the same tone you treated your daughter in. When I was younger I did but as I've matured I more clearly see the other side of the coin and how the people that dealt with me on a daily basis have been burdened by my problem. It is a very frustrating condition for everyone involved. In fact my boyfriend has to remind me to brush my teeth as well, or I will ask him if I did because I genuinely forget and I'm an adult woman. I have always felt like the biggest pain to everyone and good for nothing. I have struggled with my self-esteem as a result, naturally. But I now see from being in my first committed relationship how much of a strain I put on my partner. When he gets mad I understand and I apologize every time. When someone is a child with this it can be more forgiving but as an adult it is a true nightmare. All we can be is as sweet as possible to those around us especially those that deal with us daily. I have developed a real sense of gratitude to my boyfriend for putting up with me. I no longer expect people to understand my condition. Instead I strive to understand where they are coming from and it has helped my sense of feeling like a victim diminish. I know my issue and I deal with it myself mentally. Those with this cannot rely on outside validation because that will rarely happen. I am grateful for this because I feel incredibly tough and tenacious and like I am the only one that has control over the way I feel about myself, and that is the truth for us all. Again, don't feel bad and that's wonderful how you comforted her you are more empathetic than most. And you're welcome I'm glad you have found a little more clarity when it comes to the way you view your little girl. Well Wishes.