Lost, confused, and empty

I can totally relate to your lack of intimacy. I do envy you because at least your husband is threatening divorce. If my wife does that even once, I'm outta here.

I married my wife for the same reason as you did your husband. She is stunning and I couldn't believe that she actually wanted ME! After 20 years of marriage (when she wants to look attractive) she still turns heads.

I just want that intimacy and get depressed when she pushes me away :(

Sounds like u met your husband with the physical attraction but the emotional connection. Also sounds like he wanted a slave for a wife. I'm sorry u experience this. A healthy relationship is one of teamwork. U probably got depressed because of him. Feeling trapped. But adhd is passed down generation to generation. I know u wish ur children didn't see any of u and your husband issues. Children are like sensitive sponges. They take everything in. Wish i could talk yo you. I hate typing my words. I don't always communicate well typing things out. But i hope i said something of value to u.

cat
yep those where your warning signs . funny how we see them after the fact. i was married to a man for 19 yrs i feel in love with the picture he painted of who he was and how we would live. it was something i really got into. growing our own food , working side by side, loggin and building our own home stead. i did see things prior to the marriage but did not know how to stop the fast train i was on so i got drug along. looking back he need a long blond haired female to please his parents (he is dutch i am not) he needed chidlren to be able to claim his inheritance i gave him chidlren) he did not like one thing about me and our honey moon was from hell. i creid and cried through the two days. he spent 200 houndren to marry me for th erings and honey moon . he was dirt cheap and he remained dirt chaep through out the 19 yrs.
i worked like a dog.growing our food and raising animals to milk an dbutcher. nothing i did was good enough . my home was spotless. i canned 2000 jars a year to feed our family and his friends. i had a yard i grew 92 fruit trees and herbs and flowers (mostly what others gave to me ) people wanted to have wedding pictures taken there but it ws not good enough for him. he hated when i got compliments.
i was active in voolunteer and held higher positons even as fire chief but he convicned me no on eliked me.
i spent 19 yrs witha man whom slept with woman 10 or so yrs older than me and had been well used by many other men willingly in the area. he ended my friendship when they did not sleep wth him i learnt.
wheni was broken i turned to god to find my strength i lost so many years prior. and I was gaining strength and my self esteem was comig back and i was doing better. then on dec 18,2004 he cleared out the bank account while i was visiting my sister with my daughter and denied me access back to my homw. he told my son i abonded her. before i could get my belongings out the other womans wher in. she looked like a teen age boy. dressed like aman no visible curves to tell she was not a male. hair short and nails chewed. she is an acholic just as he is.

funny looking back i threaded water all those years trying to jsut survive and not drown under all the crap. well i survived and i am throiving. i have the most wonderful husband going now. i am 5o and finally finding happiness. i work beside my hubsnad farming , at an aution mart and on contract jobs i get (i have my own bussiness). we share common interests. like simular kind sof people (neverliked my x.s friends. drunks, pedifiles littterly, incestuos fathers, abusive to their wives ect losers of the worst kinds)

i thank GOd every day for setting me free and showing me that there are good men out there and loving men. i thank GOd every day for the life he has giving me. funny i am back into gardening and we planted and still planting fruit trees . i farm again and i am building and renoovating and creating and all those things i loved but once did alone. cool when we sit back at night and snuggle in each others arms nowing we did well and another day has passed and we still love each other . april will be 7 yrs for us and i love himmore every day. tha ti show love should be

cat let it out. i wished i had years ago for looking back had i faced wha ti wasliving in and not been in so much denial i would have found a different path years ago . i painted a loving husband back then to those i knew.the only one i fooled was me. it is not healthy wha tyour living in and i am sorry you have to live in it. no one deserveds to be threatened nor abused. verbal abuse is a hard one. the sexual abuse and yes that is sexual abuse is wrong. he has a hang up then dealw ith it not take it out on you.

hugs dare

Just another day, Duane88, and Dare-
Thanks so much for taking the time to reply! I appreciate it! All I want in life is to be heard, understood, valued, accepted and loved for who I am from the man I love (and that is so not the case)! I am not happy where I am in life and so my focus needs to me on myself! I cannot love others unless I love myself! My hopes are to get input, support, and encouragement from this online support group so I can get help in my life changing process! I need to become a better me!

oh hon you are on the right path. we all need self esteem and when we lose that we struggle to find any happiness. i have seen some woman whom take care of themselves become awesom woman and the men suddenly do change and are ther efor them . some like mine take hile too fo rhtey hate to lose control of the one htye abusing. kind like i took the fun out of it for him wheni stopped playing the victim for him

hugs dare

Hi,
You sounded so desperate in your post and I hope that by communicating some of this you feel a little better. My significant other has extensive experience in therapy and would recommend that you seek some counseling help if you have insurance or can afford it. Support groups are very good also. I think if you could break down the issues one at a time and focus on them, you wouldn't feel soooo crazy. After reading what you said, I can understand your frustration and anxiety. If you both come from severe dysfunction, remember your husband is interacting with you coming from dysfunctional thought patterns he got from his family. He may not be aware of if he is doesn't know how to change them.
If there is anyway that we can help you sort through this we would be happy to. Life can be very challenging and I hope you are finding small ways to cope, this group being one.