to day i cry tears for the persent and future of my daughter

By dangabit on Tue, 01-17-12, 17:49

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my daughter has choosen to look for work, she is tired of the fight to stay in school full time. learning is so hard for her and her father she does not want to play his game with. i wanted to see my daughter get her high school. my son was never able to get his social for he simply cna not comprehend policitcs at all. he has taken the course three times he is short 2% to pass. now i am watching my second child not able to obtain her high school too.

i sit here and cry for i wanted what i never could have myself but tried so hard to achieve. school was so very hard for me and i had hoped my chidlren would find it easier not harder than me. i am so angry and frustrated and want to scream at GOd right now. WHY MY CHIDLREN HAVE NOT ENOUGH BEEN TAKEN FROM ME. PLEASE NOT MY CHILDREN TOO

my son was molested so very young and so often. his self esteem was distroyed and his he got locked in his shyness even more. i remember the grade 4 and 5 teachers telling me my son they did not have the time to teach nor did they want to waste the time on one student whom could not get it .i remeber the grade 6 teacher telling my son he would never go any where or be come anything he was not smart enough. i remember my husbnad saying i can nnot get the eyes checked on the kids tell he has covereage and when we did get coverage i learnt my son had a rare vision problem. 4 % have it and only 1% of theme have it severe and he is severe. i remember my sons struggles with suicide and bullying in the schools and the struggles he endured. i fought so hard for his schooling and to find him a safe place to learngrade 12 he came out of the closest and anouced he was gay. my son has severe ODD ,ADD , vision problems and a leg he turned completely backwards in an accident that will never ever be normal again. i feel like i was fighting for every to help my son through things no child should endure and to encourage him when all cut him down. i lost the abttle and society won.

my daughter was 8 when she began to get very ill but the physical pain had begun many years prior. every year i watch my daughters health take on new and more complicated challenges. we long ago stopped seeing doctors for they can do nothing to help her pain or heal her. every day and i mean every day i watch my child react phiscally to her invironement and every day i see her do her best. most have no clue when she reacts but i do . what others see is a health glow in her checks i see the healthy glow and i know she in great pain for it means she is reacting and her face is becoming very hot and painful for her. i see her skin peal off her checks and i see the new skin coming in less and less as time goes on and the open sores liger on. i see her scalp each night as she scraps the layers of ozing mess off. i see th ewelts upon her back and hands. i see wha the world cannot see for they do not know her well.

my duahgter has fought so hard to obtain her schooling. prinicpals have told ehr thry do not want her in their schools for she is not in th e80% and therefor would be a burden on the teachers. teachers have told her over and over when she tried ot attend classes she should not be in the school due ot her health. no one wanted my daughter in their school or class and no one listens when we tell them she is in pain or sick daily.

her father demands attendance records and credits acquired. she had to stop her english because the anxiety got so bad for her but it does not show how hard she tried prior. attendance is not taken at this school and her dad can prove then she is not commintted for he says all her problmes are mentaly from living with me . he believes she leaves me she will suddenly have zero health problems or mental problems. i have documentation that states. my daughter has PTSD due tot he abuse endured from her brother and father and that ,yes ,she is now living in an non abusive safe home environment. but my x refuses to see this. i have proof she has ADD forms of delyia and speach problems but my x refuses to achknowledge this even though they started with her at age 3 while in his home.

i have fought over 20 years with schools and doctors and ignorant people whom contribute to my chidlrens stuggles rather than help them out.

my son had to leanr he needs special help to learn for he can not read a white board or books. it was the college whom learnt hwo to help him. my daughter jsut learnt two months ago she needs things verbally said to her but she is in a correspondence school where verbal is never done. this sis the nly school who will even concider taking her.

sometimes i want to sceream at God. how am i to heal when my children are hurting so much. how am i to help them when i am so unwell. why give me these beautiful chidlren father and then let them endure this life here on earth. i know this is seflish of me but i am so tired of beating a dead horse.

schools hid behind students whom rape and molest other kids . two boys in one small school harmed so many chidlren and us two moms whom spoke out wher ran out of the school. can not stop schools from promoting sexual abuse because that is what is promoting it when they refuse to deal with it. the one boy they not only ignored all the girls he abused while babysitiing but they hired him to do janitorial work while the very girls he abused attended the school . and yes it wen tto authorities and the boy was proven to have done it. babies he molested babies up. crying

i did every thing the books said to do to raise a healthy chidl. i bought educational toys. read lots of books and bought books for them. i played classical mucis daily (both my kids play classical music to this day in piano or listening) i had the alphabet on my walls so they could see them and the numbers. i worked hard to keep a routine and i fed the healthy organic home grown food. i played with them and ilistened to them i took them to partake in after school things. i encourgaed them to try to new things ievery day i told them i loved them and they could do anythng they wanted to do all they had to do was believe. i taught them crafts, baking , carpentry a nd animals, i tuaght them plants and people (use to visit my sister on the mental ward)

to this day i am told my kids are well mannered and good workers. i feel like i have failed them though. had i left the abusive marraige sooner. had i healed befor ei had kids too. had i had i had i had i pounds in my head. crying

i need ot be strong and supportive here to my daughter . i need to be here for her. part of me wants to phone her father and scream "are you happy know you win she can't fight you and your obsession with hanging on to ever cent you have. " but i won't for he does not care he wants her done and he does not want to pay another cent in chidl support . so wha the has 5000(he owns every thing no debt and tons in the bank) amonth to play with the 700 he wants to keep. he has a woman whom pays for the main bills he is laughing and rolling in the money. i hope it brings him happiness for it has only brought me and the kids grief. begging and forcing him to be aman and a father is no fun. it is stressful and very drainign physically and mentaly.

i have told her i will place a roof and food over her head as long as it takes for her to achieve her highschool but i can't aford the extras. i let my disability go and all i got was 600 per month for i am trying to work out again. cross your fingers the pain is escualting and i feel like i am swimming uphillll in a fast flwoing stream of water. . i will not ask my husband ,/her step dad to pay for her. first off he does not make much money. we live okay but no extras . we live on 1/10 of wha tmy x and his woman live on. but that is okay it just makes it hard for me to help my chidlren educationally more.

i will stop babblin gnow. for any of you fighting for your kids and their education never never stop . i need to seek a nother path here. i am down but i am not out yet.

hugs dare

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By Suzee on Tue, 01-17-12, 18:22

OH Dare I am so sorry!! Your post just breaks my heart!! It's so damn unfair and so very wrong!! I am SO glad your daughter has you for a Mom!!! I know about things being real hard. I can tell you that my van died Sunday night, and this morning I woke to a dead furnace...lol Wth??? along with that a bunch of other things and then of course, Deb dying this morning pushed me over the edge a bit.

please know I love you and I'm always in your corner and cheering you on!! I understand the pain, I really really do. I think sometimes if people would feel the pain that some of us do everyday, they wouldn't be able to take it!! Truly though, I didn't believe anyone could hurt like I do, until it happened to me. IT's hard from someone else to even fathom it. But I still would like to tell them all to f OFF!!!

MY biggest, bestest hugs, Suzee

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By AutunmRain on Tue, 01-17-12, 19:52

I am sorry for what your going through. I agree your daughter should get her highschool diploma. Kids often don't realize why things are important but as a parent it is your job to make sure she does what is best for her. It is time for you to be strict & make her stay in school. If she's having a hard time-make her go to tutoring. SHe'll resent u know but thank u in the long run if your tough on her & make her finish highschool.

"Sometimes things fall apart so that other things can fall into place"

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By dangabit on Tue, 01-17-12, 22:16

suzee who's deb? lol i am behind th eeight ball again here. your van is down and the furnace. i hope it is not as cold as here minus 18 hmmmmmm. our furnance stopped one night because hubby forgot to change the filter lol ya the guys showed me and gave me tha tlook don't ya know. i smiled and said i left that up to my hubby . then i looked at hubby and said i guess i need ot share this job too tee hee. ya i lov ehim but he is a follower. anyways he changes it now and i remind him too. we a team . wha tis wrong with the van and the furnace. i got a gas furnace it is good sitting here. to bad yo not closer you could have it. it is only 5 yrs old. got it withthe house when we bought and moved it here. i put in a high efficiant furnace instead last us our life time

autum rain my daughter is 18 now and i have to respect her choices. tutoring costs 50 per hour. i tried to hire a teacher student for 12 per hour but noone will do it not enough money for them. we were on a waiting list for 2 yrs but it is 45 an hour and they can't get anyone to work for them. then they complain about immigrants working here for lower wages. ya wha tdo they expect in this country no on ewants to work unless it huge bucks for them. heck i only make 12 an hour myself. when i work and we are always going through staff like crazy . my own son won't work for under 14 an hour. many will do wellfair unless the big bucks are gotten. grrrrrrrrr.

my daughter has tried so hard and litterly been beaten down for yrs in her education. we have had doctors notes and it doe snot matter the schools do not respect them and forced her into gym. she reacted so bad it often took 3 days to recoup for her after. the teachers where she is at don't get it . i walk in there and i see her and i know she is hurting and they think she is fine. i have pointed out over and over when he skin has colour she is in pain when she is pasty white then she is fine.

i have two kids with little pigment and doctors used to needle them steady to see if they where okay because they are so pale. my son got darker over the years but my daughte not so. she rects to heat and sunlight and she can not handle either. in the summer she only goes outside when she can work in the shade or she has to be covered with real strong sun screen hates ad shirts and pants or she gets real sick. i have a nephew how is also allergic to the sun and he cannot be in it at alleither.

my daughter wants her schooling too she just can't do the fight no more witht he schools and her dad. i told her last year do her best and if things just don't work we will look together for another door to open. my dauhgter spends alot of nights crying for she does work hard just no oone sees it but me and her step dad. one question will freeze her so bad and she can't move forward. my theroy is she tries so hard to get it right she becomes over welmed. she anylyses how a teacher may precieve her anser and she litterly needs to fine tune it to prefection. if you saw her art you would see it in the art.

my daughter soemtimes i wonder if she is not simular to austistic. let me explain.

most people go into an art museum and see pictures they like or do not like. well i took my daughtre when young and she looked at me when we were leaving and asked me if i noticed the style of brush stockes in that picture how this man did his brush strocks only upward and how that woman used her brush in this manner. my daughter has not even painted yet then. she will go in a room full of people and she will tell you after the colour of their eyes the jewlery they wore and the patern in the clothes they have on in detail. i swear she should work for the police for she has an eye for minute detail like no one i know. i have been artistic all my life and have a family full of artists and non elike her.

colligraphy she writes backwards for she is left handed . you know how hard this is to do. she plays piano and listens to musuic and then works to play it. i sit upstairs and i can pactaully pick out wha tshe is playing and i am tone deft. i watch her draw and do crafts and it looks painful she doesnot hold pens normal at all. like she is double jointed . drove teachers nuts. i told them to let her be it works for her and any one that can do art like her it don't matter how the pen is held.

both my kids are smart in their own ways like all kids are. i know deep down she will be fine i jsu thate that she struggles with comes so easy to many in school. the ADD and the pTSd make things hard. the delexia and speach complicates them further. but wha tshe does is admazing and tha ttells me she is smart.

i never got past grade nine. never got hired once by my aplication only whenin an interview thani was hired on the spot. i learnt how to sale myslef for a job and i am good at it. in writing i suck. i wanted my chidlren to have both doors open to them not closeddue to schooling. so many assume no highschoool no commitment but this is not so. i know a lot of good workers whom never got the schooling and i am one of them.

i ahave ran successful bussinesses in my life and i will help her to acquire one if need be. she has one thing i did lack . confidance in her talent. she knows she can do better and does and she never stops learning. she wants to illistrate chidlrens books and if i know her she will one day and be very successful to at it. we are looking into schooling for this so far they are all over seas. we have also talked to some chidlren's book pupbishers and they have gave us some direction too.

i have not given up jus tlooking for a door to open. i am thinking maybe i have been to blinded by the school one. when she was small she would cry because she was left handed and taid tried ot force her to be right handed. in school . well i made them stop and she still cried and then i bought a book on famous left handed people . many never graduated some where even called simply and they are all successful . well she stopped crying and she knows the book inside out . that book made her feel proud ot be a left handed and different than the majority.

it is like when my son came out of the closet my dreams of being agrandmother flew away. it was my dreams i lost not his. same thing with my daughter it is my dream i am losing she has tired and damn hard too. she is going to try some more but unless we find help for the ADD and PTSD i think the doors are going to be hard ot open.

mental health here again did not provide a therapist for her. third time she has been turned away. she is not suicdal enough or depressed enough. more to do with her health lol. all she has is me for now. and work may open doors she needs. she is 18 with no friends. she needs friends not me . she needs interaction with her own age group not 50 up lol. i love her and i need to respect ehr and her choices.

me still crying me sad. it hurts to she her wanting something out of her reach right now. i tell ya i would love to win a loterry . i find talented kids like her struggling and i would find teachers whom now how to teach outside the box real fast.

anyways thanks for the support. i have been sipping on red wine here. lol i am not a drinker and far from it but i think i am feeling it . lol bedtime. i think this bottle has been here for over a year. so that should give you an idea of my drinking . i jjsut felt like a glass tonight for some reason.

anyways i am off to bed. good night all and thanks again
may GOd be with you and protect you and keep you safe.
hugs dare

thanks autumrain

my God loves every one ,does yours too? I wish I could love every one but I am learning how to forgive and love those whom hurt me presently so I may be set free.

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By Suzee on Wed, 01-18-12, 11:35

Hi Dare, again I'm so sorry your dear daughter has so many unfair challenges. It's the worst thing a mother can go through to have a child in crisis. Watching our children struggle is terrible. All three of my daughters have autoimmune disorders in RA, Lupus, etc... and there have been times I have cried because I see them whince in pain and I feel so upset. They are amazing young women just like your daughter is. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers!!

OK, about my van, it's a piece of shit and the only thing my husband would let me have. My furnace.... well it came over on the mayflower with Christopher Columbus as far as I can tell!!! It's just worn out, that's all. I've got repairmen here now as we are suddenly having horribly cold temps...LOL It's been way above average temps here alllll winter, but right now we are getting our coldest weather in a long time!! Windchills 30 below easy. I will need to put in a new one. I'm just hoping they can patch it up enough to give me a week or so to get $ together!! :0) I try not to stress, it could be worse, I could still be living with an abuser, but Im NOT!!! LOL Nothing will ever be as bad as that!!!

They have to go in the dungeon.... that's what I call the basement!! I don't go down there period. Won't, will NOT, not a chance, No flippen way will I ever go down there!!! I saw a centipede down there 10 years ago and have never been down there since. There are spiders too and I'm terrified... like it's making me shake to TYPE those two words!! YUCK!!! The centipede actually turned and looked at me, I think centipedes are the devil!! Ok I have to quit typing those words before I hve a full blown panic attack!!

Big hugs Dare, Suzee

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By dangabit on Wed, 01-18-12, 12:33

oh my suzee you too funny
i get clasiphobic in small spaces and i used ot have to crawl under houses laying out plastci on the ground. i used to turn my baseball cap as close to my eyes as positble fo rthe spider webs and ignor wha twas on the ground as i crawled on my hands and knees. found adead mouse once an threw it at my brother and he is so terrified he left me to do the intire job myslef. learnt lesson don't freak the brother out or left alone in the the crappy jobs.

well i hope it is simple repair and nothing major. sometimes those old furnaces run better than some new ones lol. thermo coupler i am thinking. or just a wore out oh my names ellude me the place it lights on they wear out. mine in town the chimney corrided and fell in the elbo and then it would not burn. just needed a good cleaning. oh crap i will have to replace the chimney in time . i must sell lol

well may GOd bless you and it not be a major concern just a routine update on a part.

hugs dare

my God loves every one ,does yours too? I wish I could love every one but I am learning how to forgive and love those whom hurt me presently so I may be set free.

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